I work a few days a week outside of the home, and I'm fortunate to have a flexible work arrangement that allows me to spend most of my time at home, and still put on pantyhose twice a week, talk to adults, and use the bathroom without someone knocking on the door. This is our busy time at work, and they asked me to help out with a few more hours, so I try to work on Saturday and bring work home, but I feel like I can't give full attention to anything. So instead of giving 100%, it's more like 78.5% (.5 for good intentions).
I used to be a good employee, but now I'm the one that can't be counted on. The one that races out the door at 5:00, so I can make dinner. The one who has to say no to extra work because I feel like I don't have an hour to spare. At home I feel the same; last week I let my kids eat Lucky Charms for dinner, I've missed school assignments, and there are days if I see something on the floor, I will kick it under the counter rather than pick it up.
I can't blame my job; even if I stayed home full-time I still would not be able to manage everything. Kids bring chaos, a good chaos, but there is a never ending pile of laundry, the house is a mess, bills are paid late, and this is a normal day when everyone is healthy and the weather is cooperating. Throw in a birthday party or the flu, and I want to sit on the floor and cry (then I can pick up the piece of food under the counter).
I know I could be more organized and use my time better. I spend a lot of time reading blogs or writing here, but I need this space. I need it for my sanity and if the dirty dish pile gets bigger because of it, so what. Trying to be a crafty mom also takes up too much time, but I like making things and pretending I am making things. I want the kids to have a childhood of at home birthday parties, and weird toys mom made.
If you are looking for a solution or words of wisdom for this problem, it's not here. I'm learning to accept the fact that if I want to do all of these things, then I have to do them half-assed, or 78.5%, which is still a passing grade. I will never be one of those moms that make this look effortless. I will always be the one in Target, with bad hair and clothes, yelling at my kids, just trying to make it through the day. I think it's o.k. to give up on perfection so you can enjoy your kids.
This morning I read this post again and I hope it doesn't sound like I feel my kids are in the way of my job. It's the other way around; I want to help them during a busy time, but I also feel like I can't spare more time. It's frustrating; I don't believe I explained this well. I don't think I can explain it, except that I want perfect days of laughter, creativity, holding hands...some days are like this, but most have crabby people in them, who have to wash the dishes or want candy. We need to stop feeling so much pressure to be perfect. This post really has nothing to do with my job, just the fact that my time is so stretched, and I don't want it to be. I could care less if I get to wear pantyhose or talk to adults; the bathroom thing is nice though. I should delete this now.