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February 22, 2009

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Oh gosh. I think you're doing better than me, especially if we're talking laundry. My dog is currently sleeping on the clean laundry pile on the couch. Enough said.

I had a period of time when i saw my kids as a burden, standing in the way for all the things I 'had to do'. And they (the 'things') were plentiful. I wasn't able to do anything about it, so nature took care of business. I crushed down with a serious depression this fall. I'm still on the recovery, having gained several new important insights. One of the most important ones is 'keep close to your heart the ones you love, and give a lot more damn about the rest'.

I just sat here nodding my head at nearly everything you said. I can *so* relate. I guess it's all a matter of setting priorities and being content to follow them. Or so they say (whoever the ubiquitous "they" is.)

Deffinatly what I've been feeling since I started working, especially this year. And I only work part time and my kids are very helpful! I don't have 100% to give anywhere. sometimes it really gets to me. Sometimes it's ok...Thanks for sharing!

Motherhood is so so so hard, we do the very best we can, and sometimes that best is like 15% (for me right now)
And sometimes, it's really okay to see your space as sanctuary, you are only going to bring what you have, and sometimes you need to give to yourself so you can give more to others. We aren't limitless, we need replenishing.
I am so jealous you get to pee in peace, JDog doesn't knock either, he slams the door open, and starts trying to look 'in there' and starts making demands, then he wants toilet paper then he wants to flush. Then he slams the door.
Such good times.

Somedays I am on top of it all and giving 110%. On others I an tired of the kids, tired of the house, tired of single parenting, tired of my own self...I give what I can. It is hard to do it all and be everywhere. 78.5 is pretty darn good. :)

I don't have the same situation cause I don't work outside the house (I think I envy that you do). I try to keep a handle on myself and my needs to do non-child related stuff, but it's harder to justify when you don't actually make any money at it.

But I could never "just" take care of my kids. Maybe if I did my house would be somewhat cleaner (not actually "clean" by any standards) etc. but I would go insane. Even when I do have time I find myself only giving about 72% to my kids. I'm struggling with the notion that they're keeping me from getting things done. I tell myself over and over how much I love to just be with them and enjoy their company, but then I argue with my husband over whose turn it is to "take them" so the other can get things done. I'm trying hard and getting better at just having fun together, though. I know it won't be long before they're teens and want nothing to do with me. :)

yes, yes and yes - I could cry - I agree with you that much.

Soon I will have more time as the small company where I work is going under. As scary as this is, I am craving this extra time. I cannot remember having extra time. I want it so badly.

And yet, I worry that I am putting too much stock in this time. Although I must find a new job very soon, I have imagined this time as my time to turn-around things - start exercising again, organize the house, fix my child's poor sleep habits, get back to where I want us to be.

Thanks for the reminder. My list needs re-working. Enjoy the kids -should be on the top of the list. I unconsciously think that I need to get things "in check" before I can do the enjoying.

I've spent more time thinking about how I am going to re-organize our many art supplies than what art projects I will do with the boys when I am off.

I love spending time with my kids too. Silly plans - thanks for the 78.5%.

Passing grades vs. excellent grades. Have I brought this into adulthood?

Do not delete. Anne, wish you lived on my block. Then we could trade kids and get things done and take turns wanting to be craftsy!

So true. Love your point that perfection is not the goal. I'm reading Brene Brown now (see her blog Ordinary Courage for a lot on embracing imperfection) and see how destructive we can be to ourselves.

My kids aren't going to remember how imperfect my birthday cakes were, or the laundry room, or the lack of dusting (I hope), but I like to believe that the way my face lights up when I see them will always stay with them.

I totally get this too. Especially since I started work a year ago (part time also) - I often find myself rushing around like a headless chicken, not getting anything done. I can stay on top of things when everyone is well and things are running smoothly, but it doesn't take much to unravel the routine and then chaos ensues.

Funny. I've been reading your blog for 18 months and I never realised you worked part time.

You're doing great. Lucky Charms actually have quite a few good vitamins and minerals I'm sure :). Hang in!!!!!!!

I'm with Deirdre - don't delete! This is so true and it's exactly the same for me. I'm at home at the moment (I used to do 6hrs a day, 5 days a week) and my days are just the same. I don't know what 'Lucky Charms' are but if it's any consolation Nipper eats breakfast cereal for dinner each day as it's one of the only things he'll eat without making a big fuss (he's a very faddy eater). You're not on your own!

I think the truth of working even part-time is you get to feel like your doing a crappy job at both places (home, work). There are still lots of good reasons for doing it, but high self esteem is not usually one of them! :)

I'm glad you didn't delete any of this post! I can relate to so much of this - I am a full time stay at home mom and I feel as if I fail all the time. There is too much. I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time. At the end of the day, the only thing that really matters is our relationships. If we spent time with our kids and they know they are loved, that's got to be good enough. There will be more dishes and laundry tomorrow. *at least that's what I keep telling myself!* OH, and I'm that mom in Target or other stores all the time - sometimes even out on our street (yelling at my kids and trying to get by) Good times. Nice to know I'm not alone :)

Anne, do you live in my house? I work part-time outside of the house. I race to drive my kids to school, go to work, run out the door to pick them up and then try to figure in the games, crafts, dinner, baths, swim lessons and gymnastics. Lucky Charms are a dinner staple! And I am not the overscheduling type. I now have a cold kicked off by seasonal allergies and while this is the first time I am home alone in 4 years, I can not find my way to do laundry, clean the dining room table (somewhere in the dining room) or fish out clean clothes. I hope that I am doing 78.5%! It's good to hear that I am not the only one who feels like this.

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